What to do AFTER a lay-off…

Despite seeing it coming, despite being notified well in advance, I’m not going to lie, I took it pretty hard. I mean, I’d NEVER EVER lost a job in my life.  Worse yet, I’d never tried harder at a job than I did at this one.  Looking back, that might have been a sign.  What do you mean?  Well, today when I read job posts, as I’m scrolling through the qualifications I think, “Check, check, check.”  Then I get to the experience section and it usually mandates anywhere from 5-12 years.  Bottom line?  With less than two years of experience, I was doing the work of a much more experienced attorney.  Silver lining? There’s a good chance that my next job will seem like child’s play, and I’ll be a huge asset to my company at a cheaper price.

In the meantime…

Don’t beat yourself up over it. If you want, you can make a list of all the things you want to do differently at your next job, but second guessing yourself at things already passed serves no purpose.

File for unemployment.  Honestly, I felt like a huge loser when I did this.  I waited a few weeks, thinking I didn’t deserve it, but here’s the truth.  I’d been consistently working since I was 18 years old.  Not only that, but unemployment benefits were specifically designed for people like me – those in between jobs through no fault of their own.  I considered not applying based on how paltry the payments were, but at the end of the day, those benefits cover my rent and most of my utilities.  It makes a difference and prevents you from digging deeper into your savings.  One more note?  Although I occasionally feel guilty, I mostly think of the payments as money I set aside (since the age of 18) to the government for safe-keeping should a situation like this occur.  There’s no way that I’ll take out more than I’ve put in over the last 18 years.

Give yourself time to heal/shake it off/etc.  People everywhere will tell you that you immediately need to find another job.  Gaps on your resume are BAD!  I completely disagree.  Think of it this way.  If you recently broke up with someone you’d been with for three years would your friends say, “If you don’t get back out there as soon as possible, you’ll never date again?”  No.  Your friends would say to take your time and heal before you jump back into a new venture.  Work is the same way.  If you’ve been laid-off, it likely had semi-traumatic experiences surrounding it.  Unless you’re without emotion, you likely won’t be playing you’re A-game for a little while.  Work it out internally before you jump back into the work pool.  When you do go back, you'll be ready to play.

Remember this is temporary.  You WILL find another job at some point.  In the meantime, enjoy your extended vacation.  Do all of the things you didn’t have time to do when you were working.  You’ll likely be working well past the age of sixty.  This isn’t a time of crisis.  It’s a gift.  And PS – there’s nothing quite as fun as texting your other attorney friends on a Tuesday at 11 am to say, “I just crashed an apartment pool.  Getting a great tan.  Drinking a beer.  How’s your day?”  It’s temporary.  Enjoy it while you can.

Ana, you're fired!

Okay, so I wasn’t actually fired. Technically, I was laid off. This happened a few months ago. I haven’t written about it on the blog because, well, it seemed kind of embarrassing. I mean, there’s this assumption that when you’re laid off YOU did something wrong. I’ve been thinking about it for the past few weeks because, well, it isn’t as awful as it seems, and I hope that one day, some other person on a googling frenzy looking for sympathy/compassion/whatever will find this site.

Here’s how it goes down:

I saw it coming. I saw it coming about six months before it happened. I thought about looking for another job, but I didn’t. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could FIX this. I was terrified that I would definitely get laid off if my supervisor found out I was interviewing, and I was also concerned that I didn’t yet have enough experience to look for a new position.

In hindsight, my biggest fear in getting laid off was that I wouldn’t be able to make my student loan payments. I’d been throwing tons of money at them for the last three years. I wanted them gone. NOW. Whenever I had mixed feelings about my job, it was the monthly decrease in student loans that kept me going. I realize now that this is completely not a reason to stay in a job.

So, it happened. It was weird. I was the 10th person in my department to get fired, laid-off, or reappropriated in less than two years. I thought that when I received the news, I’d feel devastated. Instead, I was relieved. Why? For the last three years, I’d been working my butt off, just to keep the job. I’d given up more and more of my life every day and was operating on autopilot. Get up, go to work, come home, drink wine, go to sleep. I’d stopped spending time with friends because I needed to be “on” at work. I spent less time with the dog because I was either working or too exhausted to play with her. I didn’t date because I didn’t have time. I wasn’t a good friend because I’d stopped listening to what others had to say. If I wasn’t in the office, I was constantly checking my blackberry or mentally making to-do lists for the next day. I operated in a pure survival mode. Forget about writing, reading, love, and everything else. Nearly all of the enjoyment I had in life was long gone.

So what’s happened since?

I deferred my loans. If I have to pay a few extra hundred or thousand dollars in interest, so be it. The loans will be paid off eventually. It’s not as important as I thought.

I hired a life coach and spent eight weeks looking at who I was being, what I wanted out of life, and where my priorities were.

I started listening again and now remember birthdays, upcoming dates, struggles, etc. I check in with my friends much more often than I used to. My friendships seem much more enriching these days.

I went to 10 zillion live music shows.

I started living again.

I became less reactive and started taking things less personally.

I took an eight week class on consciousness and self-awareness.

I define myself less by external measures and more by internal feelings.

I’ve done thirty hours of training to be a volunteer for counseling people with terminal illnesses, something I’ve wanted to do since my grandfather died six years ago.

I slept in when I wanted and learned to practice self-compassion. Some days I’m on fire; other days I just give myself a break.

I cleaned out the freezer, took a ton of clothes to the dry-cleaner, bought new work clothes, and caught up on all those little things that needed to be done like reorganizing my closets.

I visited my family and started calling them more regularly.

I started dating again.

I spent days on the couch watching Ghost Whisperer reruns and eating Cheetos.

Reading for fun? Yes, please!

I became less judgmental and less defensive.

Sleep! Exercise! Lack of stress! Oh, how I’ve missed you!

I took a four week class on communication skills.

I said YES to any volunteer opportunities that came my way.

I've viewed nearly every literary Brit-flick that Netflix has to offer. George Eliot, I love you.

I started striking up conversations in the line at the grocery store, security terminals at the airport, the strangers next to me on the plane.

Suffice to say, I’m still unemployed, but getting laid-off may be the best thing that ever happened to me. After three years, I finally feel calm, happy, and secure. When I’m ready, I feel certain that the right job will be there. Until then, I'm not complaining.