Push It?

Several weeks ago, after a particularly stressful week at work, I looked out my office window one Friday and thought, “I never take a lunch hour. I think I’m going to do that today.”

As I don't eat lunch, I ended up at the DSW shoe store which is in dangerously close proximity to my office. Forty-five minutes later I was back at the office, the new proud owner of a pair of wedge sandals and the “?” heels.

My cute, hippie wedges.

What makes something a pair of Question Mark shoes? Well, you love them on sight, but you don’t know: WHERE you’d wear them; WHAT you’d wear them with; WHEN you would wear them; WHO you’d wear them in front of; or WHY you bought them.

As of yesterday, the wedges had been worn several times, but the ? shoes still sat in the box untouched, and given that I’d done a little online splurging of flowery 70’s-ish summer tops at Old Navy earlier in the week, I decided to return the heels in order to cancel out the clothing transaction.

At DSW the checkout guy scanned my receipt and then opened the box to inspect the shoes.

“Girl, *WHY* are you returning THESE?” he asked in disbelief.

“Um, well. They didn’t really match anything in my closet…and also they’re kinda high,” I stammered.

He continued to stare at the shoes in dismay, taking one out of the box and holding it aloft.

“KEESHA!” he called to the cashier in the next lane. “Can you believe this girl wants to return THESE shoes?!?!”

“OHMYGOD! I wanted those and they sold out,” Keesha cried. “What size are they?”

And then the two cashiers had a discussion as to whether or not either of them would be able to jam their foot into a size 6 heel.

“I’m sorry, baby girl” the guy said. “I don’t think I can allow you to return these. No, no, no. Mmm-mmmm.”

He walked over to the other side of the cash register and began holding the shoes next to various parts of my body.

“See how fantastic they are with your hair? Look how glamorous they are with your sunglasses. They match your earrings per-fect-ly. And that purse you have? FABULOUS.”

He put the shoes back into the box and slid it over to me. “Go home, put on a white tank top, a pair of dark skinny jeans, and PUSH IT. PUSH IT!”

Alrighty then.

Bewildered that I’d been refused the right to return an unworn pair of shoes within the acceptable time frame, I spent most of the car ride home asking, “Did that really just happen?”

The shoes were still sitting out when I found myself getting ready for the evening a few hours later. I gently lifted the lid and cringed. I could easily break an ankle in those things. But, they were mine now, and I might as well get some use out of them. So I traded in my normal comfy attire of loose bootleg jeans and black Chuck’s, put on a pair of skinny jeans with the question mark shoes, and hobbled out of the apartment. The first item on the agenda was dinner with a friend, and when I got out of the car at the restaurant, the valet who opened the door said, “Oh wow. Those are nice shoes.”

We walked inside to discover a long wait and moseyed over to a very crowded bar to grab a drink. As I wondered how I would squeeze my way through the mass up to the bar a guy tapped on my shoulder and said, “Did you need a drink? What can I get you?” Thirty seconds later a cold Rio Blanco Pale Ale was in my fat little hand. And it was that way for the rest of the night. People opened doors for me, smiled at me, walked up to talk with me, tried to make eye contact with me from across the room, etc. It was all very bizarre.

“You think it’s the shoes?” my friend asked.

“It’s gotta be,” I said in disbelief. “Nothing else is different about me tonight. A pair of shoes! Who knew?”

Dear Sassy Gay Friend Cashier at DSW – Thanks so much for setting me straight. I will continue to wear my new shoes and think of you every time I 'push it.' Love, Ana.

PS - Readers, you can get your very own pair, here. At last glance sizes 6-11 were still available, but going fast.