Over the past week, on several occasions, people have asked me what I’m doing for Thanksgiving.
“The dog and I are making a turkey,” I reply.
Some people say, “Oh, that’s nice,” while others try to invite me to their house, concerned that I may be without friends and spending the holiday alone.
“No, you don’t understand. It’s the dog’s holiday,” I tell them.
I haven’t spent a Thanksgiving with my “family” since I left for college at eighteen. Because the flight was long and the trip costly, my parents never figured it was worth the expense to fly me home for Thanksgiving. From 1993 – 2008, I spent Thanksgiving with *other people’s* family. I didn’t care for it that much, and most days, I would have preferred to stay home, but someone always dragged me out.
During the Thanksgiving of 2008, my landlord invited me to her beach house. I told her that after Ike, break-ups, and everything else, I would like to stay home and rest, but she kept bugging me. At the time, I was working for her, and she was supposed to hire me in a month or so to work at her firm. Seven months prior, she’d told me that she’d be willing to pay me around $60k. She was my boss. She was my financial lifeline…so I went.
I had to borrow a friend’s car and learn how to drive a stick shift two days before going, but I did it…and I think I only stalled the car three times on the journey. Once I got there on Wednesday, she told me that I couldn’t bring Martha into her house (even though she’d said otherwise before I left). Martha literally spent the next day IN THE TRUCK. I felt horrible, but I figured that these are the sacrifices one has to make at moments.
The next day, after sleeping on a non-foldout couch and hanging out with a bunch of family members not my own (who were a little odd, I have to say), my landlord sat me down. She told me that someone had mentored her when she first became an attorney and that she believed in passing on that favor. She said that she was dedicated to bringing me up to speed and investing in my future. She also mentioned that given the current financial climate, she was willing to offer me no more than $25k a year and that she wouldn’t provide me with health insurance.
It was less than I was making at the time for my other job as an editorial assistant (which, by the way, had health insurance). It was less than I’d made since the age of 22. I got up, told the landlord I needed to think about it, and then promptly got in the truck and drove back to my garage apartment, apologizing profusely to Martha the entire way.
In the end, my landlord gave me the best Thanksgiving gift that she could provide. After patiently waiting for her full-time hire I changed gears, polished up my resume, and started scrambling for jobs. (At this point, the recession was well underway.) The timing was perfect. A large company was looking for a student intern for twenty hours a week at $15/hour. With the help of my friend, I got my foot in the door and negotiated myself up to full-time and benefits. Nine months later I was an in-house counsel making much more than $60k.
When Thanksgiving rolled around in 2009, I decided that this holiday would be spent at home with Martha. I mean, I really owed her. Not only had I screwed her over the year before, but a month before Thanksgiving, we’d had quite an experience. One night in late September as I sat on my couch doing document review, a man stood outside my backdoor, cutting my screen and removing the glass panes on the door. I had no idea until later when I heard Martha barking and growling and I daresay, screaming.
The guy made it into my utility room, into my kitchen, and into my dining room before Martha finally chased him off. After he left, she continued out the back door and chased him until he’d climbed the fence.
Martha looks like a pit-bull mix, but since she was picked up as a dumped stray, we’ll never know for sure. Despite her amazing jaw strength, until that night she’d never been anything but a complete cuddle machine. (Well, setting aside that time that she almost mauled my mother when they met.) Feisty as she is, the little gal is only twenty-five pounds. The dude who broke into my house could have easily cracked her neck if he’d been thinking a little bit cooler.
That night I realized that Martha had my back in a way unlike anyone I’d ever known before. I remember calling my mother minutes after it happened and having her say to me, “Um, we actually have guests over right now, and it sounds like everything’s ok. Would you mind if I called you back once they’ve left?”
Martha isn’t always a joy. Most people don’t like her. She’s totally neurotic. She’s very trainable, but super stubborn, and you can walk her for five miles in a 100 degree heat and she’s like, “That’s it?!?! WTF?” Then again, she’s very understanding of my personality. On the nights I want to be left alone, she’s content to sit on one of the many blankets I’ve strewn around the house until I call for her. She’s always up for a cuddle when I need one, and she keeps me warm at night when it’s cold outside.
And so today, we celebrated Martha. We made a turkey, and she drooled so much as I was carving it that I actually slipped on the kitchen floor. We took several long walks, including one that involved rain, and when the turkey was finished, she got as much as she wanted.
I know she won’t be around forever, maybe no more than another ten years, and when she passes, I will get another dog, and I will love that dog, but it will never be Martha.
So here’s to you Martha – you’ve stayed by my side through law school, the bar exam, jobs, job searches, new apartments, a plethora of dating, and all the lonely nights. I’ve saved your life. You’ve saved mine. We’re even, and we stay together because we choose to do so.
As long as I live, Thanksgiving will always be your holiday. There is nothing for which I could be more thankful.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
Commentary...
The lyrics of Tow*nes Van Z*andt’s songs about women always offend me. He comes across as a condescending know-it-all without a clue. I swear, I’m not sure this guy ever evolved beyond the mindset of a twenty-five year old in certain respects. Maybe that’s why all of his good songs came during that age. Was he highly intelligent? Absolutely. Full of wisdom? Definitely not.
His early songs were great for the age at which he wrote them, but I wonder if he never really grew as a person, and therefore was unable to grow as a writer. What a waste.
His early songs were great for the age at which he wrote them, but I wonder if he never really grew as a person, and therefore was unable to grow as a writer. What a waste.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Eleven Years for a Marshmallow?
A few months ago, I read an article on some study. The researchers offered a kid a marshmallow, but told them if they waited X amount of time, they could receive not one, but TWO marshmallows. The kids that took the second option turned out to be more successful in life...or something like that. I don't remember the whole thing now.
For the last few months I’ve felt like, “Gee, I don’t really seem to have very much money. How is that possible?”
Well, today I sat down and made a budget for the first time since I started law school and realized that with what I’m allocating to savings, retirement, and student loans, I don’t have that much more disposable income than when I was IN law school.
A year or so ago I blogged that law school really turned out to be a six year plan - two years of tightening my belt for savings before law school, three years of almost no spending during law school, and then a year or so afterward of little income while working to find/earn the right job. What I didn’t realize was that at the end of that six year plan, I started another one that will last five years.
In another four years I will hopefully:
-Have paid off all of my student loans;
-Have an extra $1200 a month (now that the loans are gone);
-Put aside a X dollars worth of ‘play’ money – for either home down payment, long vacation, or otherwise.
I think that’s what I need in order to feel ‘financially secure.’
There are of course, other things that could change my finances in the future:
-I could get a raise at some point in the next few years;
-I could take a new job – when my boss promoted me last year, she said that after three years with her I’d be able to shop myself for double my current salary. At the time I wasn’t sure if a) I believed her, or b) if I wanted the type of job that took on that type of responsibility. After a year, she’s keeping up her end of the bargain in terms of educating me not only on the issues, but in business skills, and actually, you never know. After another four years I might want a new challenge;
-I could lose my job – which would likely send me into a tiny spiral between the fact that I feel as if my bills are great, and I still don’t feel as if I know enough to stand on my own two feet.
I’m still okay with the spending situation, but every month when I pay my bills, I wonder if there isn’t a way to go ahead and hurry it up. After reviewing my expenditures, there’s almost no way to cut down my costs – short of sharing a large house with someone who has a $900 mortgage and low utility bills. (I have a feeling these people are few and far between.) Additionally, since I’m only one year into the five, I can’t see the effects yet. My savings account still seems small and the amount owed on the loans still appears ginormous despite the amount I put towards both each month. (Gah, I so never considered how much interest would rack up between starting law school and beginning to pay it off four years later. In the last year I’ve made $15k worth of payments and nearly $9k of that was accrued/accruing interest. Thankfully next year I will only pay about $2400 in interest.)
While everything will be okay in a few years, I’ve got to remember to LIVE during the rest of my thirties, and that’s why I’ve got other things in the hopper. In the next four years I will also hopefully be proficient in French and know how to play the fiddle well enough to keep myself entertained. (Yes, fiddle lessons are on the agenda once we become semi-fluent in French!) Additionally, every so often I’ve got to let myself spend some money on a nice vacation or some other ridiculous expense. I’ve also got to keep my eye on the prize and keep up my effort on the work front. (Yet another person was canned in my office this week. Geesh!)
There are days that the whole thing sucks – days when I want to buy a pair of shoes or wish I was living in my own home without the pain of a downstairs neighbor who bristles if a guy is at my house past 10 pm (although the more I think about it, the dude might be doing me a favor). There are days when I wonder WHY I went to law school and if it really was worth it. It likely was. Even though I’m not necessarily *feeling* the financial rewards yet, I ended up in a city that I loved as a result of law school, have made some good friends, finally have a job that’s interesting, and egad, I will never get over how *differently* people perceive you once they learn that you’re a lawyer, especially since I’m pretty sure that I’ve LOST brain cells since my days as a receptionist.
Four more years – I’m sure I’ll enjoy them…and my forties? Well, I’m guessing that will be the point where I really start to hit my stride, and knowing me I'll probably look back on this time and remember how 'fun' it was.
For the last few months I’ve felt like, “Gee, I don’t really seem to have very much money. How is that possible?”
Well, today I sat down and made a budget for the first time since I started law school and realized that with what I’m allocating to savings, retirement, and student loans, I don’t have that much more disposable income than when I was IN law school.
A year or so ago I blogged that law school really turned out to be a six year plan - two years of tightening my belt for savings before law school, three years of almost no spending during law school, and then a year or so afterward of little income while working to find/earn the right job. What I didn’t realize was that at the end of that six year plan, I started another one that will last five years.
In another four years I will hopefully:
-Have paid off all of my student loans;
-Have an extra $1200 a month (now that the loans are gone);
-Put aside a X dollars worth of ‘play’ money – for either home down payment, long vacation, or otherwise.
I think that’s what I need in order to feel ‘financially secure.’
There are of course, other things that could change my finances in the future:
-I could get a raise at some point in the next few years;
-I could take a new job – when my boss promoted me last year, she said that after three years with her I’d be able to shop myself for double my current salary. At the time I wasn’t sure if a) I believed her, or b) if I wanted the type of job that took on that type of responsibility. After a year, she’s keeping up her end of the bargain in terms of educating me not only on the issues, but in business skills, and actually, you never know. After another four years I might want a new challenge;
-I could lose my job – which would likely send me into a tiny spiral between the fact that I feel as if my bills are great, and I still don’t feel as if I know enough to stand on my own two feet.
I’m still okay with the spending situation, but every month when I pay my bills, I wonder if there isn’t a way to go ahead and hurry it up. After reviewing my expenditures, there’s almost no way to cut down my costs – short of sharing a large house with someone who has a $900 mortgage and low utility bills. (I have a feeling these people are few and far between.) Additionally, since I’m only one year into the five, I can’t see the effects yet. My savings account still seems small and the amount owed on the loans still appears ginormous despite the amount I put towards both each month. (Gah, I so never considered how much interest would rack up between starting law school and beginning to pay it off four years later. In the last year I’ve made $15k worth of payments and nearly $9k of that was accrued/accruing interest. Thankfully next year I will only pay about $2400 in interest.)
While everything will be okay in a few years, I’ve got to remember to LIVE during the rest of my thirties, and that’s why I’ve got other things in the hopper. In the next four years I will also hopefully be proficient in French and know how to play the fiddle well enough to keep myself entertained. (Yes, fiddle lessons are on the agenda once we become semi-fluent in French!) Additionally, every so often I’ve got to let myself spend some money on a nice vacation or some other ridiculous expense. I’ve also got to keep my eye on the prize and keep up my effort on the work front. (Yet another person was canned in my office this week. Geesh!)
There are days that the whole thing sucks – days when I want to buy a pair of shoes or wish I was living in my own home without the pain of a downstairs neighbor who bristles if a guy is at my house past 10 pm (although the more I think about it, the dude might be doing me a favor). There are days when I wonder WHY I went to law school and if it really was worth it. It likely was. Even though I’m not necessarily *feeling* the financial rewards yet, I ended up in a city that I loved as a result of law school, have made some good friends, finally have a job that’s interesting, and egad, I will never get over how *differently* people perceive you once they learn that you’re a lawyer, especially since I’m pretty sure that I’ve LOST brain cells since my days as a receptionist.
Four more years – I’m sure I’ll enjoy them…and my forties? Well, I’m guessing that will be the point where I really start to hit my stride, and knowing me I'll probably look back on this time and remember how 'fun' it was.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
It's Official!
Martha and I have a big announcement. We realize that this is probably not considered a big announcement for most people, but it was kind of a milestone for two creatures with our personalities.
Saturday, November 06, 2010
The Milk and the Cow...
A few days ago, two of my co-workers (both women) were sitting in my office. One of them was really confused because she’d received a text containing a picture of a sonogram (with a fetus, of course), but she didn’t recognize the number from which it was sent.
“It can’t be so-and-so because she’s about to married, and they SWEAR they’re both virgins,” the co-worker remarked.
“Ohmigod, people still do that?!?!” I exclaimed, “My mother always told me to never make a purchase before checking out the goods!”
The second co-worker ruffled at this remark and stated, “I can’t believe your MOTHER said that to you. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. MY mother always told me WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE!” …And then she smiled smugly.
“Yeah, well,” I answered, “My mother thought that too. Only in her scenario, it wasn’t the woman who was the cow.”
And then I watched as the second co-worker's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, and the look on her face went from bewilderment to anger.
“Yeah, sorry,” I shrugged, “Sounds like my mom valued women a little bit higher than yours.”
No - I didn't actually SAY that last line. I'm sure my co-worker's mother valued women, too. The different perspectives just struck me as interesting.
“It can’t be so-and-so because she’s about to married, and they SWEAR they’re both virgins,” the co-worker remarked.
“Ohmigod, people still do that?!?!” I exclaimed, “My mother always told me to never make a purchase before checking out the goods!”
The second co-worker ruffled at this remark and stated, “I can’t believe your MOTHER said that to you. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. MY mother always told me WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE!” …And then she smiled smugly.
“Yeah, well,” I answered, “My mother thought that too. Only in her scenario, it wasn’t the woman who was the cow.”
And then I watched as the second co-worker's eyes nearly popped out of her sockets, and the look on her face went from bewilderment to anger.
“Yeah, sorry,” I shrugged, “Sounds like my mom valued women a little bit higher than yours.”
No - I didn't actually SAY that last line. I'm sure my co-worker's mother valued women, too. The different perspectives just struck me as interesting.
Friday, November 05, 2010
A Little More Natural...
Recently, I’ve been trying to consciously cut back on the use of chemicals in every day products and thought I’d let you know what I’m substituting where and how it’s working…
My new hand soap is also my new shampoo: Castile Liquid Soap with Castor Oil –Olive oil, castor oil, and water are the only ingredients. For bath wash and shaving gel, I use the 100% olive oil bar. At first I planned to use the liquid soap as a bath wash, but I found that the bar lathers much better with a bath puff than the liquid! Amazingly, it doesn’t dry out my legs during shaving either. I ended up choosing the Country Rose brand in Canada because I have dryer skin and read that coconut oil products are sometimes more drying than olive oil. I've had no issues with the olive oil products and am very happy with them so far. You can find the site here. As for body lotion, I’ve just switched over to using Extra Virgin Olive Oil that you buy in the grocery store. Seriously! I have to say, using such as a replacement for lotion has been awesome – works well, no chemicals, cheaper than lotions and contains Vitamin E which is great for skin.
I've found that I like all of my natural products MORE than what I was using before - they all seem to be less irritating and less drying. YAY!
Areas where I haven’t broken away:
Hair Conditioner – does someone know a good natural one? Is it time to start playing with mayonnaise and stuff? I’m still only washing/conditioning my hair once a week and using a paraben/sulfate free brand (although I think it does contain silicone).
Face Moisturizer – I might try the EVOO on my face at some point, but right now I’m sticking with my Oil of Olay Hydrating Fluid. Same goes for use of Pond’s Cold Cream as a cleanser.
Dishwashing Detergent and Clothing Detergent – Anybody got any good stories on these?
Cleaning Products - I’m hoping to switch some of my cleaners and start using more homemade cleaning products like vinegar, baking soda, and possibly ordering the castile liquid soap without the castor oil.
My new hand soap is also my new shampoo: Castile Liquid Soap with Castor Oil –Olive oil, castor oil, and water are the only ingredients. For bath wash and shaving gel, I use the 100% olive oil bar. At first I planned to use the liquid soap as a bath wash, but I found that the bar lathers much better with a bath puff than the liquid! Amazingly, it doesn’t dry out my legs during shaving either. I ended up choosing the Country Rose brand in Canada because I have dryer skin and read that coconut oil products are sometimes more drying than olive oil. I've had no issues with the olive oil products and am very happy with them so far. You can find the site here. As for body lotion, I’ve just switched over to using Extra Virgin Olive Oil that you buy in the grocery store. Seriously! I have to say, using such as a replacement for lotion has been awesome – works well, no chemicals, cheaper than lotions and contains Vitamin E which is great for skin.
I've found that I like all of my natural products MORE than what I was using before - they all seem to be less irritating and less drying. YAY!
Areas where I haven’t broken away:
Hair Conditioner – does someone know a good natural one? Is it time to start playing with mayonnaise and stuff? I’m still only washing/conditioning my hair once a week and using a paraben/sulfate free brand (although I think it does contain silicone).
Face Moisturizer – I might try the EVOO on my face at some point, but right now I’m sticking with my Oil of Olay Hydrating Fluid. Same goes for use of Pond’s Cold Cream as a cleanser.
Dishwashing Detergent and Clothing Detergent – Anybody got any good stories on these?
Cleaning Products - I’m hoping to switch some of my cleaners and start using more homemade cleaning products like vinegar, baking soda, and possibly ordering the castile liquid soap without the castor oil.
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