So sometime a few years back, I decided not to sweat the small stuff. It started when I was twenty-one, and I watched my dying grandmother, the grandmother who was always so prim and proper, sit on the couch hooked up to an oxygen machine, her days numbered, look up into the air with a look on her face that said, “Why did I ever give a shit what ‘other people’ would think? Why did I think it mattered? Why was I so afraid?”
I think September 11th kicked the thought into high gear. For some reason the event made me realize my own mortality with the realization that I could die tomorrow from something as random as plane flying into my office building. Spending the next few years caring for a grandfather with Alzheimer’s sent it home.
I am a high-strung person by biology. I like organization and having a plan, but sometimes you’ve just got to let it go.
So I did. …sort of.
You see, I can let things go, but somewhere inside of me they seem to remain. Despite leaving my mind, all those internal worries find a way to manifest themselves physically. I’m not thin because I’ve got a great metabolism. I’m thin because whenever I’m stressed out about something, my stomach fails to operate properly. It’s a self-perpetuating thing. I get stressed and my stomach gets upset. Because it’s upset, I don’t eat. Because I don’t eat, my stomach goes haywire when I finally do put food into my body.
The last few weeks have been hell on my stomach for some reason, and on Tuesday I decided that I must eat something. It had been days since I clipped more than 1000 calories. I had to do it.
So I grabbed a salad at lunch and two hours later found myself doubled over in pain. I sat crouched over my desk for another hour unable to move. At 4 pm, I had a meeting and sat through it near tears, waiting for the damn thing to end so that I could return to the fetal position. It dragged on for an hour and a half, and by the time it was over, I had twisted myself into so many different positions that I was sure the majority of our general counsel thought I was a complete fruitcake.
When I left work at 5:30, I thought maybe the pain was just psychological and would end given that I was no longer stuck in the work environment. Around 6:45 pm I texted the German neuroscientist to tell him that I wouldn’t make it for tapas. At 8 pm, I was still rolled in a ball on my bed when a friend of mine from college called. She and her husband live right around the corner, and about once a week, we meet up at the neighborhood bar for a beer.
I told her that I couldn’t go, but since my friend is also a nurse, I explained to her exactly why.
“It’s the weirdest thing,” I said, “It hurts when I stand and when I sit, but not when I bend over or when I lie down.”
“Honey,” my friend replied, “You have gas. Now go let it out and get over to the bar.”
I would be embarrassed to say that she was correct except for the fact that after five hours of continuous pain, I was thrilled that she turned out to be right.
Yep, I’m 33 years old, and I suffer from debilitating gas. Awesome.
*******
I had such plans to stay at home this week and get things done around the house, write blog posts, etc.
Can I just tell you that somebody called me every night this week at the last minute with social invitations? Tonight I was supposed to go to the rodeo, but I begged off because I’m so tired and the weekend doesn’t look like it will be any better.
Mid-afternoon Saturday I’ve got a play date with a friend to make cookies (because, hey, I really had a lot of fun with those cupcakes). In addition, the last time this friend and I tried to get together I had to cancel because I needed to work on a Saturday. I know! I never thought I’d be one of those people! Man, I really am getting old.
Saturday night is the Christmas in February party – where I will bring my baked goods from earlier in the day. This works out well, no?
Sunday, I’ve got the 50-cent mimosa brunch – this time the boss will be included. Strangely enough this means that I will probably be drinking more than usual rather than less. Oh yes, SC likes to meet up with me about once a week for booze-fest. No one ever told me that this would be part of my professional duties, but it’s much better than working for a teetotaler. Another friend tried to book me for Sunday evening, but I put down my foot on that one.
I’m really an introvert at heart, which is why I write this blog. All of the social activity is exhausting. That being said, it’s great to have friends who want to spend time with you. And of course, after spending a quiet evening in, I’m sitting here wondering how many cool people I didn’t meet by not going to rodeo.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Baking and shoes, who knew?
Hi Kiddos. Did you miss me? I missed you. No really, I did. Sorry for being so unavailable lately. You may remember that I made a few New Year’s resolutions, one of them being no more than a few drinks a night. Yeah, I fell off the wagon with that one after I went and saw the Ex. Last week I had drinks with Wine-Time-Girl on Monday, drinks with the German on Tuesday, drinks with my college buddy on Wednesday, drinks with my Boss on Thursday, and drinks with Alex and his girlfriend on Friday. And then there was the party I threw last Saturday which I will hopefully get to in this post.
But yeah, when I’m drink-drink-drink, it’s hard to sit down at the end of the evening and write something. Granted, I sometimes have a glass of wine or two while I’m writing as I’m sure you’ve surmised, but one cannot start a post after having four or so. (Currently I’m on glass three, and it was the last of the bottle. If I go any further, I’ve got to break into the scotch. I can pretty much guarantee that if I do, this post won’t make it to print.)
So, what has Ana been up to? Well, despite being horrendously hungover, tired, and scattered for the last week, I’ve had this crazy urge to go shopping for a pair of black high heels. Yeah, I know. I’m usually a Converse or flip-flop girl. I’m not sure if it’s because of the new power job or some desperate desire to feel moderately attractive, but every day this week my mind fluttered back to, “Must buy new shoes.”
That was my first thought when I awoke on Saturday morning. However, if you remember, I have this little rule. Whenever I buy something new, I must toss something old into the Goodwill pile. And not only that, but you may also remember that a few weeks ago I purchased a collection of kitten-heeled shoes. Did I mention that at that time I didn’t get rid of anything in my closet? My shoes were literally stacked on top of each other.
So that morning I told myself that before I took my little charge card anywhere, I would need to face my closet. Have I also mentioned that despite being a dirty hippie, it is literally painful for me to part with my shoes? It’s an interesting contradiction, no? Yeah, so I dove into the closet and ten minutes later I had no less than SEVEN pairs of shoes sitting in a pile for the thrift store.
Seven? My god, I must be in some kind of serious clean-out mode. Realizing this, I went through the rest of my closet.
EGAD. I got rid of SO MUCH STUFF! For the last two days, I keep walking into my closet to observe the beauty of it all. I mean, you can actually SEE what clothes are in there. The hangers are not all bunched together in suffocation. Don’t get me wrong. The darn thing is still full, but it’s sparser than it’s ever been.
So what’s new? Well, a week or so ago, I threw a party with a friend. It was a Valentine’s/Single’s Awareness Day party. We’d planned it a few weeks in advance and at the time I didn’t account for a few factors, well two actually:
1) I met the Ex at the last party I attended at my friend’s apartment;
2) I didn’t plan on doing a *final* goodbye with the Ex just a few days prior to throwing this one.
When I walked into her house on Saturday afternoon, I was definitely not bursting with holiday cheer, but my friend insisted that if I sat around in her apartment for six hours preparing for the party, I could acclimate myself and be super-happy-fun Ana by the time the festivities rolled around. Turns out that she was right. Nothing pulls you out of a funk quite like taking a trip to the liquor store followed by the making of cupcakes and jello shots.
(Cosmopolitans help, too.)
I made vanilla cupcakes, chocolate cupcakes, and red velvet cupcakes. However, I’m not sure that I should have been the one to frost them.
That being said, upon viewing them one guest commented, “Ohmigosh, I love this one with the middle finger!” I guess I'm not the only one who wasn't thrilled by the idea of V-Day.
Because I was feeling so domestic, I decided to wear the congratulatory, bar-passing apron that Artsy-Fartsy sent me for the entire evening. It was super cute, went well with my cocktail dress, and wouldn’t you know, that front pocket was perfect for holding a pack of cigarettes!
Thanks Artsy-Fartsy!! She makes these, you guys! I think you can order them from her on Etsy.
We had a grand time and the party didn’t shut down until after 3 am. Can you believe it?
And that’s where the new shoes come in… You see, about ten years ago, I bought two really great pairs of black high heels that went with everything, and I wore them whenever needed. And in ten years, one pair actually self-destructed while the other set looks like I accidentally shoved them down the garbage disposal. I hadn’t yet bought a new pair because I so rarely got dressed up for anything, but as a result of holding my head high and playing super-happy-fun Ana on Valentine’s Day, one of the party guests, whom I’d never met before, invited me and my friend to a party that he is throwing this Saturday.
Surviving a Valentine’s Day party, the location of which you met your Ex at the last time you visited, and not only that, but being so perky as to have new people desire your buoyant presence at their party the next week? Yeah, that totally deserves buying yourself a new pair of shoes! That being said, when the new-guy-friend called to invite me to the party he said, “You sure did talk about your Ex a lot that night.”
What can I say? Clearly I’m not perfect. I’m sure it’s so shocking to all of you.
So I’ve got my new pair of shoes, and I’m starting to get excited about another weekend of social fiesta. This one has a Christmas theme (because it's actually centered around egg nog) and he's asking the guests to bring appetizers. Any ideas? If I were faster on my feet, I would have ordered a holiday-themed apron for him to wear!
Moving on, the German and I are meeting up for tapas on Tuesday. I know what you’re thinking. Why are you going out with him again, Ana? Well, we were never really formally going out to begin with. The German was my attempt to test out my dating-training wheels. You see, he only visits for one month twice a year, and he has a girlfriend back in Europe. (It’s an open relationship where they see other people.) The German and I got along, I found him interesting, and he was anxious to have someone to hang out with, so the situation worked well for both of us. Neither of us planned for it to lead anywhere and there was nothing physical about the relationship. At the same time, I got to get the experience of going on that awkward first date, getting to know someone without the drunk make-out sessions, and readjusting to dating life It also provided me with the opportunity to go on a date with someone other than the Ex and allow me to feel pretty in at least some respects. Overall, I’m glad I did it, and on Tuesday, I’ll see him one last time before he ships himself back to the Max Pl*anck Institute. And who knows, maybe when he comes back in six months, we’ll hang out again. We liked each other, just not on a romantic level.
And oh yes, there was a second boy I alluded to in an earlier post. Well, he’s still there, but I can’t say anything about him just yet. I will say this, he’s caused me to consider how much I size someone up in a few seconds as well as evaluate how I present myself and my pretenses when I meet guys. Who knows? He could be a kick in the teeth or he could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. Either way, I’m learning something about myself in the process.
But yeah, when I’m drink-drink-drink, it’s hard to sit down at the end of the evening and write something. Granted, I sometimes have a glass of wine or two while I’m writing as I’m sure you’ve surmised, but one cannot start a post after having four or so. (Currently I’m on glass three, and it was the last of the bottle. If I go any further, I’ve got to break into the scotch. I can pretty much guarantee that if I do, this post won’t make it to print.)
So, what has Ana been up to? Well, despite being horrendously hungover, tired, and scattered for the last week, I’ve had this crazy urge to go shopping for a pair of black high heels. Yeah, I know. I’m usually a Converse or flip-flop girl. I’m not sure if it’s because of the new power job or some desperate desire to feel moderately attractive, but every day this week my mind fluttered back to, “Must buy new shoes.”
That was my first thought when I awoke on Saturday morning. However, if you remember, I have this little rule. Whenever I buy something new, I must toss something old into the Goodwill pile. And not only that, but you may also remember that a few weeks ago I purchased a collection of kitten-heeled shoes. Did I mention that at that time I didn’t get rid of anything in my closet? My shoes were literally stacked on top of each other.
So that morning I told myself that before I took my little charge card anywhere, I would need to face my closet. Have I also mentioned that despite being a dirty hippie, it is literally painful for me to part with my shoes? It’s an interesting contradiction, no? Yeah, so I dove into the closet and ten minutes later I had no less than SEVEN pairs of shoes sitting in a pile for the thrift store.
Seven? My god, I must be in some kind of serious clean-out mode. Realizing this, I went through the rest of my closet.
EGAD. I got rid of SO MUCH STUFF! For the last two days, I keep walking into my closet to observe the beauty of it all. I mean, you can actually SEE what clothes are in there. The hangers are not all bunched together in suffocation. Don’t get me wrong. The darn thing is still full, but it’s sparser than it’s ever been.
So what’s new? Well, a week or so ago, I threw a party with a friend. It was a Valentine’s/Single’s Awareness Day party. We’d planned it a few weeks in advance and at the time I didn’t account for a few factors, well two actually:
1) I met the Ex at the last party I attended at my friend’s apartment;
2) I didn’t plan on doing a *final* goodbye with the Ex just a few days prior to throwing this one.
When I walked into her house on Saturday afternoon, I was definitely not bursting with holiday cheer, but my friend insisted that if I sat around in her apartment for six hours preparing for the party, I could acclimate myself and be super-happy-fun Ana by the time the festivities rolled around. Turns out that she was right. Nothing pulls you out of a funk quite like taking a trip to the liquor store followed by the making of cupcakes and jello shots.
(Cosmopolitans help, too.)
I made vanilla cupcakes, chocolate cupcakes, and red velvet cupcakes. However, I’m not sure that I should have been the one to frost them.
That being said, upon viewing them one guest commented, “Ohmigosh, I love this one with the middle finger!” I guess I'm not the only one who wasn't thrilled by the idea of V-Day.
Because I was feeling so domestic, I decided to wear the congratulatory, bar-passing apron that Artsy-Fartsy sent me for the entire evening. It was super cute, went well with my cocktail dress, and wouldn’t you know, that front pocket was perfect for holding a pack of cigarettes!
Thanks Artsy-Fartsy!! She makes these, you guys! I think you can order them from her on Etsy.
We had a grand time and the party didn’t shut down until after 3 am. Can you believe it?
And that’s where the new shoes come in… You see, about ten years ago, I bought two really great pairs of black high heels that went with everything, and I wore them whenever needed. And in ten years, one pair actually self-destructed while the other set looks like I accidentally shoved them down the garbage disposal. I hadn’t yet bought a new pair because I so rarely got dressed up for anything, but as a result of holding my head high and playing super-happy-fun Ana on Valentine’s Day, one of the party guests, whom I’d never met before, invited me and my friend to a party that he is throwing this Saturday.
Surviving a Valentine’s Day party, the location of which you met your Ex at the last time you visited, and not only that, but being so perky as to have new people desire your buoyant presence at their party the next week? Yeah, that totally deserves buying yourself a new pair of shoes! That being said, when the new-guy-friend called to invite me to the party he said, “You sure did talk about your Ex a lot that night.”
What can I say? Clearly I’m not perfect. I’m sure it’s so shocking to all of you.
So I’ve got my new pair of shoes, and I’m starting to get excited about another weekend of social fiesta. This one has a Christmas theme (because it's actually centered around egg nog) and he's asking the guests to bring appetizers. Any ideas? If I were faster on my feet, I would have ordered a holiday-themed apron for him to wear!
Moving on, the German and I are meeting up for tapas on Tuesday. I know what you’re thinking. Why are you going out with him again, Ana? Well, we were never really formally going out to begin with. The German was my attempt to test out my dating-training wheels. You see, he only visits for one month twice a year, and he has a girlfriend back in Europe. (It’s an open relationship where they see other people.) The German and I got along, I found him interesting, and he was anxious to have someone to hang out with, so the situation worked well for both of us. Neither of us planned for it to lead anywhere and there was nothing physical about the relationship. At the same time, I got to get the experience of going on that awkward first date, getting to know someone without the drunk make-out sessions, and readjusting to dating life It also provided me with the opportunity to go on a date with someone other than the Ex and allow me to feel pretty in at least some respects. Overall, I’m glad I did it, and on Tuesday, I’ll see him one last time before he ships himself back to the Max Pl*anck Institute. And who knows, maybe when he comes back in six months, we’ll hang out again. We liked each other, just not on a romantic level.
And oh yes, there was a second boy I alluded to in an earlier post. Well, he’s still there, but I can’t say anything about him just yet. I will say this, he’s caused me to consider how much I size someone up in a few seconds as well as evaluate how I present myself and my pretenses when I meet guys. Who knows? He could be a kick in the teeth or he could turn out to be a pleasant surprise. Either way, I’m learning something about myself in the process.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Because I really am a tease...
I started to write part 2. I got five pages in and then I stopped. It might be because I was interrupted; it might be because I don’t want to make the effort; it might be because to do so would reveal too much personal information about me and the Ex.
Suffice to say, we’re done. No, it wasn’t dramatic. Things with the Ex never are, but it ended with me deleting him out of my phone and asking him to never call me again.
No really, it wasn’t dramatic. It sounds like it was, but it wasn’t.
So I’m back in the dating pool and getting into all kinds of trouble.
I’ve gone on two dates with a German neuroscientist, who is nice, but…well, if you know scientists, you might understand. There are the ones who don’t understand the artist type and find them interesting. And then there are the ones who might as well be from another planet.
There’s something freakishly rational about the guys who sit in a lab and play all day with molecules. Everything is chemical and can be explained. There is no emotion, no soul, no expression. They’re brilliant, and yet, it’s almost like they suffer from a highly-functional form of autism. The guy is nice, but strangely oblivious in so many aspects. The other night, we went to a chamber music performance. It was a very modern piece played by a string quartet while a recording of All*en Gins*berg reading Howl played in the background.
At the end of the piece, the German turned to me and in his clipped English said, “I didn’t really like it. Perhaps I don’t understand it, and the music seemed so random.”
I love Howl, and the music complemented the piece so perfectly. The isolation, the desperation, seeing things that truly aren’t there, but then seeing things that actually are there which few others can comprehend. The loneliness, the numbing with drugs and sex, and yet the awakening of the senses from the same. And the German just sat there and frowned, happily looking forward to the piece by Beethoven.
Coincidentally, Mr. Gins*berg and I share the same birthday, not the year mind you, but the month and day.
There’s another boy, too, but we’ll have to save him for another time…as I need to go to sleep now.
Suffice to say, we’re done. No, it wasn’t dramatic. Things with the Ex never are, but it ended with me deleting him out of my phone and asking him to never call me again.
No really, it wasn’t dramatic. It sounds like it was, but it wasn’t.
So I’m back in the dating pool and getting into all kinds of trouble.
I’ve gone on two dates with a German neuroscientist, who is nice, but…well, if you know scientists, you might understand. There are the ones who don’t understand the artist type and find them interesting. And then there are the ones who might as well be from another planet.
There’s something freakishly rational about the guys who sit in a lab and play all day with molecules. Everything is chemical and can be explained. There is no emotion, no soul, no expression. They’re brilliant, and yet, it’s almost like they suffer from a highly-functional form of autism. The guy is nice, but strangely oblivious in so many aspects. The other night, we went to a chamber music performance. It was a very modern piece played by a string quartet while a recording of All*en Gins*berg reading Howl played in the background.
At the end of the piece, the German turned to me and in his clipped English said, “I didn’t really like it. Perhaps I don’t understand it, and the music seemed so random.”
I love Howl, and the music complemented the piece so perfectly. The isolation, the desperation, seeing things that truly aren’t there, but then seeing things that actually are there which few others can comprehend. The loneliness, the numbing with drugs and sex, and yet the awakening of the senses from the same. And the German just sat there and frowned, happily looking forward to the piece by Beethoven.
Coincidentally, Mr. Gins*berg and I share the same birthday, not the year mind you, but the month and day.
There’s another boy, too, but we’ll have to save him for another time…as I need to go to sleep now.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Much harder than cleaning out the closet...
(This post was originally written on a Sunday.)
This morning when I woke up I decided to reorganize my bookshelves. I think I’ve done this three times since the bar exam, but I’m constantly picking up books and running out of space. My favorite place to shop is at Half-Price books where I pick up classics in a 70’s paperback version for about a buck.
The reorg was worth the effort though, and after an hour and a half, I could not only fit all my books on the shelf, I had extra space available. (When in doubt, chuck an old law book. I found a few stacks of worthless junk from my last semester as well as a massive copy of the UCC that I was saving for some unknown reason.)
After meeting Wine-Time Girl for Sunday brunch and with a Half-Price gift card burning a hole in my pocket, I wandered over to the bookstore with the thought that today I would celebrate being employed, and instead of limiting myself to books of $3 or less, I would buy whatever I wanted.
Here’s what I got…
The Beautiful and Damned – F. Scott Fitzgerald - $3
Goodbye, Columbus – Philip Roth – 50 cents
Lourdes – Emile Zola – 98 cents
Nana – Emile Zola – 25 cents
Siddhartha – Herman Hesse - $3
Nine Months in the Life of an Old Maid – Judith Rossner – 75 cents
Looking for Mr. Goodbar – Judith Rossner - $1
Therese Raquin – Zola - $5
Ladies Paradise – Zola - $7
Among the Bohemians – Nicholson - $1
(I only bought this book because it was a buck – could end up to be a total bust.)
Camus Biography - $10
I did reign myself in a little bit, putting two books back on the shelf before I checked out. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest because it was $3.50, and I figured I’d be able to find it for cheaper some time in the future. Also, the Jonathan Franzen memoir. I wanted to read it, but I didn’t really want it sitting on my shelf as one of *my* books. It will have to be a library read I guess – if I ever finish all the others.
The cost of the Camus book drove me insane, but ultimately it was the one I wanted the most. My gift card was for exactly $10, so thanks PT-Law Mom for sending me the card when I passed the bar. I mean, thanks for my new Camus biography!
As for the tons of Zola? A girl from my section in law school is also my friend on Facebook. Both of us list the books we’ve read and we have a lot of overlap. The other day I asked her for books suggestions, and she steered me towards Zola. We’ll see how I like him.
Final verdict? Looks like I need to redo the shelves again.
This morning when I woke up I decided to reorganize my bookshelves. I think I’ve done this three times since the bar exam, but I’m constantly picking up books and running out of space. My favorite place to shop is at Half-Price books where I pick up classics in a 70’s paperback version for about a buck.
The reorg was worth the effort though, and after an hour and a half, I could not only fit all my books on the shelf, I had extra space available. (When in doubt, chuck an old law book. I found a few stacks of worthless junk from my last semester as well as a massive copy of the UCC that I was saving for some unknown reason.)
After meeting Wine-Time Girl for Sunday brunch and with a Half-Price gift card burning a hole in my pocket, I wandered over to the bookstore with the thought that today I would celebrate being employed, and instead of limiting myself to books of $3 or less, I would buy whatever I wanted.
Here’s what I got…
The Beautiful and Damned – F. Scott Fitzgerald - $3
Goodbye, Columbus – Philip Roth – 50 cents
Lourdes – Emile Zola – 98 cents
Nana – Emile Zola – 25 cents
Siddhartha – Herman Hesse - $3
Nine Months in the Life of an Old Maid – Judith Rossner – 75 cents
Looking for Mr. Goodbar – Judith Rossner - $1
Therese Raquin – Zola - $5
Ladies Paradise – Zola - $7
Among the Bohemians – Nicholson - $1
(I only bought this book because it was a buck – could end up to be a total bust.)
Camus Biography - $10
I did reign myself in a little bit, putting two books back on the shelf before I checked out. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest because it was $3.50, and I figured I’d be able to find it for cheaper some time in the future. Also, the Jonathan Franzen memoir. I wanted to read it, but I didn’t really want it sitting on my shelf as one of *my* books. It will have to be a library read I guess – if I ever finish all the others.
The cost of the Camus book drove me insane, but ultimately it was the one I wanted the most. My gift card was for exactly $10, so thanks PT-Law Mom for sending me the card when I passed the bar. I mean, thanks for my new Camus biography!
As for the tons of Zola? A girl from my section in law school is also my friend on Facebook. Both of us list the books we’ve read and we have a lot of overlap. The other day I asked her for books suggestions, and she steered me towards Zola. We’ll see how I like him.
Final verdict? Looks like I need to redo the shelves again.
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Business Attire...
The night before the first day of my new job, I sat in my closet near tears. Only a few items were still wearable, and some of those that were didn’t fit so hot. I scraped an outfit together and looked decent, but when I got off at 7 pm, I hit the shops. Here’s my advice from years of trying to put stuff together.
1. Buy classic and timeless. Honestly, don’t go for the fads. Some things you just won’t be able to help over time, like pants that narrow at the bottom and such, but stick to basic as much as you can. Choose neutral colors like black, tan, brown, navy, or crème for slacks and skirts. If you want to dress it up, you can throw on a colorful and/or trendy-ish top.
2. Go for quality. Sometimes it costs more, but quality items also tend to be cut better, hold up to wear and tear, and get more use. Places where I’ve found good slacks/skirts for a decent price: J. Crew & Banana Republic. Ann Taylor has some cute tops, but be wary of their slacks and skirts. Very often they are not well-made, well-cut, well-fitting or timeless. I have one AT suit that I like, and I bought it in 1996.
3. Stick to wools and twills. This definitely costs more, but crepe is a horrible fabric. Not only is it often unflattering on certain areas of your body, but it’s darn near impossible to get a good seam or hem on crepe. (And going back to quality, LOOK at how the seams and hems are done on the pants/skirts. Also check out the stitching in the waist area. These are tell-tale signs of how well-made an item is, and don’t think that other people don’t notice.)
4. Buy items that fit and are flattering to your figure. This was my downfall for years, but thankfully many stores have petite sections now with clothes that don’t look like they’re designed for a ten-year-old. For suit-wear, I never even look outside the petite section because even if I did get the length altered, the item would still be too long in the hips/waist. If it doesn't look good on you, don't buy it. If it's a little off, then it's completely off. Just because it's a cute style or cute color or is on-sale...don't do it!!!
5. Do not buy something just because it is on sale. I mean, don’t even look at the price of stuff until after you’ve tried every thing on. Then you can make the decision yes or no.
6. SHOES! I love loafers. My feet are disproportionately wide at the front, and loafers are so comfortable. However, since I’m already only three feet tall, loafers do nothing for me. In fact, they just look kind of clunky and funky on me. That’s fine for out of the office, but I wanted to look a little sophisticated. I broke down and bought some pointy-toed heels, but I tried to be as smart as I could. I bought half a size up so that my fat foot would fit in the front without serious pain all day. To accommodate for the extra length, I purchased insoles which have the added benefit of comfort and shock-absorption (supposedly). Also, although I got heels, I stuck with the kitten heel (1.5 inch). It gives you a little bit of lift and lengthens your calves without feeling like you’re walking around on tip-toe all day. (And PS – I learned the kitten heel thing inadvertently. I bought a pair once, wore them all the time because they were comfortable, but strangely, men used to comment favorably on them all time. When it happened for the umpteenth time I asked that particular guy why he found them attractive. His answer? “They’re sexy, but not in an obvious, desperate, sleazy way like most high heels. Those are a demure sexy.” There you have it.)
6.5 - Like tops, you can be a teensy bit more outlandish with the shoes.
7. Ooh, this reminds me, when you’re trying on slacks, keep in mind the height of the shoe you will be wearing (since you’ll typically be barefoot in the dressing room). Otherwise you’ll end up with something too long or too short. Do a check by standing on the balls of your feet and estimating.
8. Get a big, nice-looking purse that can fit a few file folders. This one doesn’t have to be expensive; it just has to pass the eye-test. My green giant from Target works rather well at $16.00, and I’ve actually gotten compliments on it.
9. Get a clutch with either wallet sleeves or that is big enough to fit a small wallet. Place the clutch inside the big bag. If you go somewhere after work, you can leave the big bag in the trunk and just take the clutch. Voila!
10. Buy a few simple pieces of jewelry – pearl earrings, tiny silver some-things, a basic necklace, one or two small rings. Definitely do NOT cheap out on this category. Go to Nordie's and have someone help you if you must.
11. Get a nice plain watch – without a leather or Velcro band.
12. DO NOT USE THE EXCUSE OF "I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY NICE CLOTHES." This is like the people who pay a $zillion for law school tuition, but then won't put up the extra couple hundred bucks to buy books and study-aids. It's relatively a minor cost, and if you don't do it, it will cost you more over the long haul. Your appearance matters. It influences how people view you, and that's important not just for raises, but in gaining respect from colleagues. (Seriously, think about all the people at your work who dress really horribly...)
12. If you’ve done all of this, take the time in the morning to get up and do your hair/makeup. Otherwise, what's the point? It's part of the whole presentation.
Now’s the part when I say that for years I thought all of this stuff was stupid. To me, how people appraise you should be based on your job performance and that alone. Unfortunately, people are stupid and make snap decisions based on your appearance. It’s as simple as that – even if you’re amazing at what you do. I’ve tried to reconcile it in thinking that appearance IS part of my job performance. Even if I don’t directly work with someone I hope to give the impression that I am well-organized, put-together, and understated. You can do that with an outfit.
Why yes, women are judged MUCH more harshly on this than men. It sucks. I'm working on it. If you have any grand ideas on how to change gender perceptions either subtly or in one fell swoop, send me an email.
I managed to get in and out within an hour and a half. A few items were a wash (went for the low-price thing at my first store, AT Loft. Hate everything I got there which was two items for $60), but I did end up with some great things later on (BR Petites, I love all your wools! Tops and pants!) Then I stopped by DSW and walked up and down the aisles only trying on the kitten-heeled shoes. And the good news is - the girl who hates shopping has some nice winter work outfits and doesn't have to worry about this again until spring.
Good luck.
1. Buy classic and timeless. Honestly, don’t go for the fads. Some things you just won’t be able to help over time, like pants that narrow at the bottom and such, but stick to basic as much as you can. Choose neutral colors like black, tan, brown, navy, or crème for slacks and skirts. If you want to dress it up, you can throw on a colorful and/or trendy-ish top.
2. Go for quality. Sometimes it costs more, but quality items also tend to be cut better, hold up to wear and tear, and get more use. Places where I’ve found good slacks/skirts for a decent price: J. Crew & Banana Republic. Ann Taylor has some cute tops, but be wary of their slacks and skirts. Very often they are not well-made, well-cut, well-fitting or timeless. I have one AT suit that I like, and I bought it in 1996.
3. Stick to wools and twills. This definitely costs more, but crepe is a horrible fabric. Not only is it often unflattering on certain areas of your body, but it’s darn near impossible to get a good seam or hem on crepe. (And going back to quality, LOOK at how the seams and hems are done on the pants/skirts. Also check out the stitching in the waist area. These are tell-tale signs of how well-made an item is, and don’t think that other people don’t notice.)
4. Buy items that fit and are flattering to your figure. This was my downfall for years, but thankfully many stores have petite sections now with clothes that don’t look like they’re designed for a ten-year-old. For suit-wear, I never even look outside the petite section because even if I did get the length altered, the item would still be too long in the hips/waist. If it doesn't look good on you, don't buy it. If it's a little off, then it's completely off. Just because it's a cute style or cute color or is on-sale...don't do it!!!
5. Do not buy something just because it is on sale. I mean, don’t even look at the price of stuff until after you’ve tried every thing on. Then you can make the decision yes or no.
6. SHOES! I love loafers. My feet are disproportionately wide at the front, and loafers are so comfortable. However, since I’m already only three feet tall, loafers do nothing for me. In fact, they just look kind of clunky and funky on me. That’s fine for out of the office, but I wanted to look a little sophisticated. I broke down and bought some pointy-toed heels, but I tried to be as smart as I could. I bought half a size up so that my fat foot would fit in the front without serious pain all day. To accommodate for the extra length, I purchased insoles which have the added benefit of comfort and shock-absorption (supposedly). Also, although I got heels, I stuck with the kitten heel (1.5 inch). It gives you a little bit of lift and lengthens your calves without feeling like you’re walking around on tip-toe all day. (And PS – I learned the kitten heel thing inadvertently. I bought a pair once, wore them all the time because they were comfortable, but strangely, men used to comment favorably on them all time. When it happened for the umpteenth time I asked that particular guy why he found them attractive. His answer? “They’re sexy, but not in an obvious, desperate, sleazy way like most high heels. Those are a demure sexy.” There you have it.)
6.5 - Like tops, you can be a teensy bit more outlandish with the shoes.
7. Ooh, this reminds me, when you’re trying on slacks, keep in mind the height of the shoe you will be wearing (since you’ll typically be barefoot in the dressing room). Otherwise you’ll end up with something too long or too short. Do a check by standing on the balls of your feet and estimating.
8. Get a big, nice-looking purse that can fit a few file folders. This one doesn’t have to be expensive; it just has to pass the eye-test. My green giant from Target works rather well at $16.00, and I’ve actually gotten compliments on it.
9. Get a clutch with either wallet sleeves or that is big enough to fit a small wallet. Place the clutch inside the big bag. If you go somewhere after work, you can leave the big bag in the trunk and just take the clutch. Voila!
10. Buy a few simple pieces of jewelry – pearl earrings, tiny silver some-things, a basic necklace, one or two small rings. Definitely do NOT cheap out on this category. Go to Nordie's and have someone help you if you must.
11. Get a nice plain watch – without a leather or Velcro band.
12. DO NOT USE THE EXCUSE OF "I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY NICE CLOTHES." This is like the people who pay a $zillion for law school tuition, but then won't put up the extra couple hundred bucks to buy books and study-aids. It's relatively a minor cost, and if you don't do it, it will cost you more over the long haul. Your appearance matters. It influences how people view you, and that's important not just for raises, but in gaining respect from colleagues. (Seriously, think about all the people at your work who dress really horribly...)
12. If you’ve done all of this, take the time in the morning to get up and do your hair/makeup. Otherwise, what's the point? It's part of the whole presentation.
Now’s the part when I say that for years I thought all of this stuff was stupid. To me, how people appraise you should be based on your job performance and that alone. Unfortunately, people are stupid and make snap decisions based on your appearance. It’s as simple as that – even if you’re amazing at what you do. I’ve tried to reconcile it in thinking that appearance IS part of my job performance. Even if I don’t directly work with someone I hope to give the impression that I am well-organized, put-together, and understated. You can do that with an outfit.
Why yes, women are judged MUCH more harshly on this than men. It sucks. I'm working on it. If you have any grand ideas on how to change gender perceptions either subtly or in one fell swoop, send me an email.
I managed to get in and out within an hour and a half. A few items were a wash (went for the low-price thing at my first store, AT Loft. Hate everything I got there which was two items for $60), but I did end up with some great things later on (BR Petites, I love all your wools! Tops and pants!) Then I stopped by DSW and walked up and down the aisles only trying on the kitten-heeled shoes. And the good news is - the girl who hates shopping has some nice winter work outfits and doesn't have to worry about this again until spring.
Good luck.
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