Stating the obvious...

From the reference librarian:
“You’ll notice that this database also has access to unpublished opinions. That’s kind of nice because those cases aren’t available in our print collection.”

Yep, just in case you didn't know, unpublished cases aren’t available in print.

Striking fear in those with small bladders...

Email from one of the deans:

By now, most of you know we have no water. While going without drinking water for a while is something we can live with, no restrooms is a much more serious problem.

There are restrooms in the [not-so-close] building. ... It is not a very far walk, but will take some time. I hope all faculty members will give students some leeway when it comes to on-time arrival at class.

They say we will be without water in a few hours, but based on past performance, I would suggest you assume it may be the better part of the day.

Today law school is more like a wilderness challenge than ever before. Does anyone else find this a bit ridiculous? You're required to come to class, but FYI, no plumbing. I'm sure they're just hoping the water will pop back on at any moment, but right now we're entering the third hour without it.

Thanks, that really clears things up...

My landlord gave me a copy of my lease renewal form today. Attached was a note that said:

Ana, property taxes and insurance have gone up over 10%, but I'm only increasing your rent by 6%. Thanks -LL

This tells me nothing. Suppose property taxes and insurance cost $12.50 last year, but this year it's $25. You wouldn't double my rent simply because your taxes doubled. Also, I share the building with a business that rents more space than me, so the majority should be apportioned to that, right? Well, it probably would be if the business wasn't my landlord's business.

In the end my landlord can charge me whatever she pleases, but if she wants to give me a reason for doing so, it would have been nice if she offered a substantive one.

Next thing you know I'll be using the term Oriental...

The other night at the charity-gala-yada-yada I noticed a girl in the bathroom and said to her, "You have really pretty eyes. I like the shape of them."

"Oh really, do you?" she said.

(I should probably mention that the girl appeared somewhat Asian-looking.)

"Uh, yeah," I answered.

"Do you think they're almond-shaped?" she continued with a tone of voice that suggested I was slightly racist.

"Um, I guess," I continued. "They look cool with the light coloring of your iris."

"I'm half-Korean and half-white. You think that's cool, huh?" she questioned accusingly.

To call this moment awkward was a small understatement. A) I was legitimately complimenting the girl. B) It was not out of ignorance or any type of white imperialism-type thing. My dad's mother emigrated from a country that borders China, and I take after her in a lot of respects. Are you catching my drift? I'm part-white and part-Asian as well.

So as it turns out, we were both offended.

And P.S. - that pic above? Those are My (Ana's author's) eyeballs, but here are the same eyes darkened via photoshop. I was in effect making a joke when I commented on the girl's eyes. I thought she would look up, see that our eyes were the same shape/color, and giggle. Apparently not. Bizarre. Uncomfortable. Weird.

When do I get to color outside the lines? Hell, when do I get to color?

One of my greatest disappointments with law is that everything is so precedent-based. During your one 1L year your first assignment starts with a British case from the 1700’s and then you read 70 more pages of cases till you finally get up to the present – and the fact that there are repercussions for hitting people.

The law moves so slowly, softly nuanced with each new case. It’s like a long game of telephone. Most of the time the end looks a lot like the beginning. When things come out starkly different, it’s usually because one judge took another judge’s words out of context and twisted them.

I am sure some people find this interesting. To me, it’s profoundly boring. There is some creativity involved, but in my mind, it’s extremely limited. There are so many things rapidly changing in the world today and the legal way of thinking just doesn’t seem applicable anymore. The archaic-ness of law runs over into practice.

While technology people fire off code in flip-flops, we are still consumed with how we dress and our appearance. As Fortune 500 companies concentrate on efficiency and cost-benefit analyses, we flaunt our billable hours and the amount of time we spend at work. Law is a fairly basic practice and yet we make it appear complex through bizarre Latin words and formal bureaucratic procedures. The law itself is fairly intuitive. Finding a case or statute on Westlaw is much more complicated. Figuring out the format for a motion is exceedingly more difficult than arguing the motion.

Last summer I spent my days popping out legal memos, and after I’d turned in my third one, the partner came to me and asked if I’d ever taken a legal writing class. Yes, I answered. Did they not show me a specific format, he asked. Yes, but do people actually follow that? Apparently they do. So I went back to the format from my legal writing class and a few days later the partner again came to the door of my office with an assignment. This time do it like you did in the beginning, he told me. That style was much more efficient and easy to read. Just call me Ana Smith, renegade memo writer.

This semester I signed up for a class where the law in the area has not yet been established. I thought it would be fun. I thought it would focus on theory and philosophy and independent thought, no boundaries, no limitations. Little did I know that in areas where there is no law, there is still national law. (Well, I guess I knew this, but I didn’t really *think* about it.) My would-be esoteric class has devolved into a rehash of Con Law.

I accept law for the way that it is. I’m okay with practicing in this environment. Over time I might even enjoy it. ONE slightly out-there class would have been nice though.

(PS – This is one of those purely fictional posts based on an amalgam of law school experiences. In truth, I have a really cool inter-disciplinary class this semester. No idea why I’m suddenly feeling the need to disclaim. Perhaps it’s because the weirdest thing about writing this blog is when people leave comments saying they disagree with me and my first thought is, “But I don’t actually think that!” Then I have to slap myself and remember that they’re responding to Ana. Sometimes I think I suffer from literary schizophrenia. -AA)

Are they non-profit simply because they couldn't make one if they tried?

Last week I wanted to order some software from my campus computer store so I sent an email asking how to do it. They responded that I could not order the software, but rather needed to wait until it was in stock and purchase it in the store. Never fear, the next shipment was expected the following day. However, when I went to the store they informed me that all of the disks were sold-out.

"Really?" I asked. "You sold all of them in four hours?"

"Actually," the guy replied, "we pre-sold all of them over the phone."

Excuse me?

When I explained my predicament they informed me that the email was correct. One cannot pre-order the software. However, you can put your name on a list and when the software arrives, they will call and you can secure your disks with a credit card.

I did not bother to ask why they hadn't included such in the email. Rather, I just gave them my name and phone number and hoped for the best. Two weeks later, they called to say the software was in stock and they would hold the cd's until the end of the day. When I offered them my credit card number, they refused.

"We've discontinued that policy," they said.

"But, but, but! I've already left campus! And you just called! And the store closes in two hours!"

"Sorry, ma'am, but that's our policy."

Five minutes after arriving home, I am now grabbing my keys to go back to school. No doubt that by the time I get to the store, they will have sold the remaining CD's over the phone.

How does that happen?

Last night I went to one of those charity events where the wine and beer are free-flowing. I wasn't slurping it down, but I did have a glass of wine in my hand the entire time that I was there. What I found strange was that at no point in the evening did I start to feel tipsy even though I had several glasses.

I just woke up and guess what, I feel slightly drunk....hours later. Is that possible?

Emailing back and forth...

I'm not sure what the deal is, but lately ranty political emails have been flying back and forth between members of my family. Whoever starts the email sends it to the entire family and then we take our turns hitting reply all. It's pretty obnoxious, but it's also funny.

My mom, the artist, does her replies like so:
"I like words, but I always see pictures first before I put words with it. Most of you know that one of my constant visualizations is...... I like sheep in and of themselves and have no wish to malign them in any way. They provide us with wool and are generally nice to have around...."

My dad, the dad, is like this:
"Unfortunately, with the proliferation of lawyers and suit-happy American organizations, these telecomm organizations would have been unduly penalized for cooperating in the war on terror, if the immunity amendment had not passed."

(I have no idea. The lawyer bash was nice though, right?)

My brother, the film guy, punctuates his with film:


This film is funny, too.

And Ana? Ana cites her emails and lists sources at the end. Creative, huh?

Why I won't win 'Housewife of the Year' anytime soon...

So, tonight should have been the dry run. Fairy-God-Brother requested that I make dinner. A simple request, no? But. BUT. I got stressed out. I had classes, and work, and studying, and everything else. And I just couldn't be bothered with dinner, even if it was Valentine's Day. So I opted for...Dinner in a bag.


Just heat and go.



That's enough, right?

Give me a break. My date was a gay man AND really, this was much better than if I'd attempted to cook myself.

P.S. The tapered candles were red. RED! Gross! Gauche! And the movie? Breakfast at Tiffany's. Written by a gay man, so somewhat appropriate.

Are you reading?

I'm a little more than half-way through Midnight's Children and a few days ago I thought, "Egad, there are so many metaphors in this book, I'm going to have to write them down and put them into different categories."

Apparently the narrator thought so too as just a few pages later he stopped to explain the active-literal, passive-metaphorical, passive-literal, and active-metaphorical.

Yeah, I laughed out loud.

Dumbest thing I've read in awhile...

This really took the cake. For those who were unaware, Clinton’s campaign manager was replaced the other day. What I didn’t know was that the original campaign manager was Latino and the replacement, African-American. In response, a group of New York Latino lawmakers sent an open letter to the Clinton campaign. Here are some of the excerpts:

Dear Senator Clinton:
It is hard to understand how the Hispanic community that has been there to keep your campaign alive could remain in your corner ... Patti Solis Doyle served in the highest ranking capacity that any Hispanic-American woman ever served on a presidential campaign.

[Okay, so after getting past the use of the term Hispanic my first thought is, wait a second. As stated, Hillary Clinton is the FIRST presidential candidate to have a Latino as their campaign manager. Bitch!]

… Although we are inclined to believe that Patti Solis Doyle did resign, we would like you to realize that it will be very troubling to many if somehow we later find that she left her post under pressure because of the recent primary losses your campaign suffered.

[I’m sorry. Did they just say there’ll be hell to pay if the CM lost her job based on performance? Really? For real? They put that in print?]

… why a Hispanic woman who has helped to build Latino support for you throughout the nation would have been the one to take the blame and resign from her post instead of others involved with your campaign, including former President Clinton, who have caused serious problems and embarrassing situations for your campaign.

[Totally. When the campaign had problems, Hillary should have filed for divorce rather than replace her manager. Fire Bill! If only... ]

For now, we remain distressed that … a great Hispanic American woman is no longer serving in her leadership post.

[Gee, I’m distressed that after eight years of George Bush any Democrat anywhere would be so petty as to stir up something like this. And I’m also distressed that these guys would suggest that their fellow Latino voters would base their vote on the cultural identity of a campaign manager rather than the issues.]

You can read the full train wreck here.

I am SO sick of the Democrats tearing down people within their own party. Most of the disparaging words in the comments section of this article were written by rabid Obama supporters. Go after McCain. Go after Huckabee. It’s a team effort, people. We’re all on the same side here!

I think my favorite comments were the ones where people stated that Hillary is falling behind with the African-American vote, and this move was designed to cater to them at the expense of loyal Latinos. Uh, yeah, this was clearly a calculated endeavor to pick up all those African-American votes in the upcoming TEXAS primary. Um, has anyone been to Texas? Are you familiar with the racial makeup?

Barf. I don't want to vote for anyone.

Still tormenting the dog...

I know it's been a little quiet over here for awhile. It's not intentional. I guess I'm just too busy tormenting the dog.

Here's Martha in her newest piece of clothing, cargo shorts for spring. I want to get her a little hoodie to go with it. As you can see, she's thrilled with them.



Is it just me, or does she look like she's plotting her revenge?

The big day of hearts and flowers...

I have a hot date for Valentine’s Day.

I’m making dinner. He’s bringing a bottle of wine. Afterwards we’re going out for dessert.

He’s tall.

He’s a law student.

He's one of the nicest guys I know.

We’ve gone for drinks together, had long talks on the phone, my mother thinks he's great, and he tells me he loves me all the time.

He's also gay.

So what should I make Fairy-God-Brother for dinner?