Third final done. Last one is tomorrow. I've been a see-saw of emotions all day and just keep telling myself that this will all be over shortly. I think I overdid it on this round, and if I end up making good grades, I'm not sure it will have been worth the effort or the anxiety. (Grades have never struck me as a reflection of myself so much as a tool of perception for others; a tool which is not always particularly accurate. This makes finding a source of motivation somewhat difficult at times.) Strangely, if I make bad grades my response will probably be, "Well, don't beat yourself up. You were kind of a wreck during that period."

I think I need a valium. Unfortunately, I don't take prescription drugs (unless highly ill) and stick to wine and cigarettes for self-medication. Again, unfortunately, I don't drink starting 24 hours before the first exam. (This equates to a binge-like episode just prior and immediately after, but oh well, I was extremely entertained by my behavior. Fictionalized reading material to follow at some point. Sometimes I wonder if I create conflict just for the sake of a good story.) As the cigarettes make me jumpy, I've cut down on them too given my stress level. Basically, I want to either take a 36 hour nap or otherwise kill someone right now.

Breathe in. Breathe out. It will soon be over...and then the fun gets to start. Amazingly enough, I am one of those people who actually prefers working to school. I love learning, but I need the structure that comes with having a full-time job. I am shall we say much 'saner' when employed. I can do it. I can make it.