When etiquette backfires...

Yesterday, the symphony gang came over for our regular wine and hors d’oeuvres hour before the show. The last few times, I’ve left my red wine sitting out on the counter to where it is literally room temperature. Technically, the room temperature that red wine is supposed to be served at is the temperature equivalent of a wine cellar, ie mildly chilled. Room temperature in my house is close to 70 degrees. I always think someone’s going to call me on it, but I usually leave it out because well, I prefer it a little warmer. If that isn’t bad enough I also refuse to follow the rules regarding meats and wine colors. I drink what I like the way I like it.

However, yesterday I decided to follow the rules so I refrigerated the wine and then took it out about half an hour before the gang arrived. While we were drinking it one of the guys asked me, “Is there a reason that you didn’t serve the wine at room temperature? Is it some kind of special wine that’s supposed to be chilled?”

I suppose the moral of this story is, stick to your guns and serve wine the way you like it because following the formal rules may make you look stupid to others...and explaining why you chilled it comes off as completely pretentious.

Ana's on a tear. Go figure...

“Wow, Ana. You haven’t smoked the whole time we’ve been at the bar!” – said by friend at bar last night.

Yeah, I’ve been riding the no smoking wagon for the last 36 hours, but I have to say, I’m kind of pissed. In the week before school started back up, I began smoking again for some reason. Since then at least four people have come up to me to express dismay, all of them smokers. The reasoning? ‘You were my inspiration.’ ‘You are what keeps me from smoking.’

Heads up, people. I AM NOT YOUR FREAKING ROLE MODEL!!!! …And I really resent it when you make me into one. During my childhood, I always pressured myself to serve as some kind of standard for the rest of the community. I always behaved. I always made good grades. I never discussed problems because supposedly, I didn’t have them. I lived inside the lines and I hated it. You know why? Because PEOPLE ARE NOT PERFECT! People are fallible. People make mistakes. And frankly, I think that’s one of the beauties of humanity. How can you ever expect to learn anything if you’re never even allowed to risk failure? Life is not about impressing some elusive group known as society. Life is about figuring out what works for you and trying your best. Image is not the end result. Image is appearance, not reality. Image is a manipulation, an apparition, a fake. People are at their most beautiful when they are truly themselves. Think about why you love your best friend the way you do. It’s probably not because everyone else loves them.

One of the reasons that I write the column is to create an open dialogue about how we ALL do dumb things in relationships and we all make mistakes. I try to express my fallibility because it’s part of who I am. I’m not (overly) bothered by any resulting ridicule I receive because my writing is honest. When someone makes fun of you or dislikes you for being honest and real, you’ll find that it’s really hard to feel bad about it. My mother recently made the following comments about my column and it’s always so interesting to see how others perceive things. As a note, my mother has never actually read my column, but just heard bits and pieces of the stories. When I began writing the columns I told her their nature and she replied that she didn’t think she would want to see them.

“Everyone loves vulnerability, especially in others. Some identify with it, some feel empowered because they see weakness in others as a strength for themselves. It is all rather Freudish I suppose. But people prefer to read about others in predicaments to help make their own world feel right. They don't want to hear about how everything worked out perfectly and now you are queen of the universe. Basic human nature I suppose.”

I responded “The vulnerability issue is kind of an interesting aspect. I used to think that vulnerability meant weakness, but the older I get, the more I view it as a strength. I think it takes more courage to be vulnerable and admit your vulnerabilities than it does to just play it safe...and I'm not sure to what extent it weakens you. I think when you make yourself vulnerable, you open yourself up to a great learning opportunity and I usually feel like I get something positive out of it as opposed to feeling burned and jaded by the whole deal. Who knows? I'm weird like that.”

It’s funny that my mother and I who, by the way, are seemingly the same person, view things so differently. I like my view, but maybe my view is just the way I have to warp my own reality to get out of bed every morning. I guess what I’m trying to say in all of this ramble is, you can’t rely on others for your inspiration. You have to look to yourself. You’re not always going to be perfect, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t be afraid of letting yourself down. It will happen, but the important part is being able to accept it and move forward. You can’t look to others because, well, they’re not perfect either. It’s unfair to put expectations on others that you refuse to place on yourself. You control your actions. Own them. Don’t blame your problems on other people. If you do, you'll never be in charge of your own happiness.

My love/hate relationship with the Bachelor

Okay, I deleted my posts from Valentines Day, but they were still there when I logged in today - how annoying. Anyhoo -
Today, I feel old. Old because I told myself that this semester I was going to make time to get to know the other people in my section better...so I've been going out and spending time with new people and I'm exhausted. On Sunday I was ready to go back to school because I didn't think I could take any more weekend. Maybe I should amend my plans of spending time with section mates to include less beer.

So I've started an indulgent habit of sitting down with a glass of wine on Monday nights and watching the Bachelor. Unfortunately, I'm finding that I have to have several glasses in order to get through it. I think my fascination with the show is that I have yet to see a Bachelor that I would actually find attractive and I'm amazed at how the women step all over each other in their attempts to woo him. I mean really, who would willingly want to place themselves in that type of situation? More disturbing is the fact that the women are always being quoted as saying, "I want to win." Win? I thought this was supposed to be a show about finding true love. Love is now a contest? Either the people involved lose sight of this fact really quickly or were never there for the right reasons in the first place. Oh, and what's up with the guy growing the hugest ego by the time the show is over? They're not that great to start out with, but after having 25 cute women chase after them for a few weeks, they're absolutely horrible! Remember how everyone wanted that Bob guy to be the bachelor because he was so nice? Ha! What a sick show. This must be why I like it. At heart I'm a true romantic, but on the day-to-day basis I'm a cynic and this show serves to confirm my cyncism. Hmm, maybe it just feeds my ego by telling me that I'm right.

Can we talk?

Augh! What is with this semester? The profs seem to have purely lecture-based classes with little student interaction. It’s so much easier to pay attention and get something out of class when you are engaged in discussion. The prof in one of my classes says, “We need to move on,” every time someone raises their hand. What the heck? We’re not getting anything out of this. Sitting here just listening to someone talk does nothing for us. What’s the point of getting through the material if no one’s learning anything?

The ConLaw Drinking Game

So my classmate and I decided today that every time our Con Law prof referred to a part of the opinion that didn't appear in the casebook we would take a pretend shot. Needless to say, the opinion was unanimous that had we actually been drinking, we would be dead now.

The Rules - each time the prof does one of the following, take a shot:
- Reads from a portion of the opinion that is not included in the casebook.
- Notes that Thomas has written a lone separate opinion because even the conservatives think he's a nut job.
- Tells a story about her husband.
- Notes that Scalia has used a reasoning that goes beyond the plain meaning of the text.
- Makes reference to her religion.
- Says That Souter or Stevens has failed her in their opinion.
- Mentions her personal politics.
- Tells you that O'Connor's reasoning makes no sense at all.
- Asks the class if they understand and no one says anything.