And today's bane of my existence award goes to...

Dear New York Times,
It has come to my attention that your publication has recently introduced a service called Times Select. In exchange for my hard-earned dollar, I will have the ability to read all of your Op-Ed columnists in addition to many other fun articles reserved for the less than casual viewer. But NYT, here is my problem. I am graduate student. I am poor. I cannot afford the paltry amount charged to view your works. I understand that the newspaper industry is taking a hit right now. I realize Craig's list has sucked away all of your classified ad revenue. I realize that fewer and fewer people are purchasing papers. I daresay I find your program justified. But dear old friend NYT, what about your devoted proletariat who has no other access to information? What about those of us who spend twenty minutes each day adjusting the rabbit ears on our televisions so that we can at least hear the News Hour on PBS? Where can I turn for Maureen and Tom and David and their brethren? (My apologies to Maureen for the use of a male term.) Couldn't you institute a waiver for the sad folk in my financial condition? I would gladly send a copy of my taxes if I made enough money to file in order to prove my state of patheticism. Look at me, just a few weeks without my periodical and I'm reduced to making up words and destroying the rules of good grammar. NYT, please don't fail me. Don't make me get me news from CNN.com. I beseech you.
Your devoted reader,
Anastasia

Theory

If I have to hear about utilitarianism in one more law class I think that I will spit. I now understand why law school admissions committees drool over philosophy majors. They probably kick butt in school because they already know half the material.